Please describe a challenging situation in which you chose to push your personal boundaries. In what ways did the experience change your assumptions or perceptions? What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about others?
As I entered my junior year of high school, I pushed my family to take in an exchange student. I knew this would require compromise, sacrifices, and adjusting to cultural differences. I knew adding a fifth person, one who had their own background and opinions, would be a challenge. However, the family of a close friend of mine had been hosting exchange students for years and had only positive things to say. They loved each and every student differently, but wholly. They stayed in touch with each student, traveling internationally to celebrate weddings and visit towns they’d heard so much about. Whenever I interacted with the exchange students at school, I found each of them to be intelligent, funny, and friendly. I assumed that despite differences, the experience of hosting an exchange student was at least as rewarding as it was challenging.
For the first half of the academic year that Charlotte of Göttingen lived with us, I thought that the myth of a rewarding hosting experience was blatantly false. I cried daily. I argued with Charlotte and my family constantly. I was emotionally drained. Until I decided not to be. I learned to manage my emotional reactions and communicate more effectively in the face of a language barrier. I learned to be vulnerable. I mastered self-care. I learned that my friend and her family had hidden their own negative hosting experiences.
Charlotte of Göttingen and I fell into a familial love over the last half of her year in the US. We called each other sisters. We cried together and laughed together and became virtually inseparable. We planned future visits, embraced ridiculousness, and shared deep, unlimited conversations.
She returned to Germany, and faded. She slowly stopped answering calls. She wouldn’t respond to letters, Facebook messages, or care packages. She e-mailed my father to let us know it was too difficult. “It” was never defined. And then she was gone.
I learned to never assume you knew someone fully, even after hundreds of late nights where the darkness covers your human frailty and empowers your human need for honesty and connection. I learned to love someone after thinking I never could. I learned forgiveness. I learned heartbreak. I learned to live with an ache and a question. I learned to approach each relationship and each day without expectations. I learned that sometimes, it is best to let go.
