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The Self-Compassion I Want

I recently began reading Dr. Kristin Neff's Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (Like, real recently. I'm writing this having just finished the first chapter.), and it has been a difficult and painful time. The second exercise in the book is to write about an issue that brings up feelings of inadequacy, and then write a letter to yourself about that issue from the perspective of a friend of unlimited compassion. This exercise was hard for me. I only scored a 1.25 on a scale of 5 on Dr. Neff's self-compassion quiz. Self-compassion is not a strength of mine. I decided to share the results of this second exercise because I thought some other people in our fat-phobic, diet-obsessed culture might need to hear it too.

 

Dear Friend,

You are a wonderful person, with all your strengths and weaknesses. I see you now, weighing more than ever before, and believe you to be lovable. Your body is not an apology. You have no reason for shame.

I understand that you're in pain. You're suffering from insecurity and frustration. You're carrying disappointment and anger. Girl, set those bags down. Your genes, your medications, your drastic change in scenery and occupation play into it. You are not a failure for putting on weight. You are a person. You are a brilliant, beautiful, bad-ass brain in a mostly-functioning body. Be grateful for what you have.

And then, when you truly appreciate all you have and are, know it's also okay to change. Joining a gym or seeing a nutritionist and losing weight doesn't mean hating your body as it is now. It means loving yourself enough to want wellness.

You have been, are, and will be incredible. Let yourself believe it.

Love,

Lily

 

Dr. Neff's Self-Compassion can be found on Amazon or at Barnes and Noble. I'm sure you can also request it at your favorite local bookstore.


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